Saturday’s Partaa – Hit or Miss?

After listening to my good partaa music, and getting told that we were leaving at 6.30, not 8 as planned, found the partaa a bit of a miss.  All things considered.

But there were consolations.  There was a sexy Scot in a Kilt.  There was a raffle.  There was a raffle for rude prizes.  There was unlimited and very cheap alcohol, and free food.  There were Christmas decorations.  And there were nice people.

Just a shame that their idea of a good night was Now That’s What I Call Music music, pumping from a barely reasonable DJ Setup (flashing lights included) and congregating round the bar.  This meant that one half of the room had a DJ (friend of someone at the Diving Club), often on his own and surrounded by a lot of empty floor, and a clump of people spilling alcohol and food between me and the toilet.

Some pics:

The Sexy Scot and His Wife.

Sexy Scot

He is very yummy.  He exudes confidence.  I have dreamt about having sex with Sexy Scot.  Really.  And now I have, I think, discovered what it is.

He has a huge penis.  Husband told me – he has seen him getting changed.  Huge.  Maybe that is what makes him supremely charismatic, a sense of Well, I have no worries on that score.

That’s my theory and I am sticking with it.

Plastic Santa Anyone?


This is the level of decoration you get when you have your party in a Scout Hut.

Note the speaker on the stand.  I think that’s why no one was dancing – they were scared of knocking the speaker over.

Plus I think the median age was about 60.

And the music was, as mentioned, pretty naff.

Run, Book, Run.

Plastic Santa is Coming for Me!

Then I noticed that Plastic Santa was cross with me and was coming to kill me!

(I was a little bit drunk at this point.  Cheap alcohol – mentioned above – was becoming cheaper every time I finished a bottle of beer.  Or so it seemed.  Maybe because my purse was lighter?)

Then it was Awards Time.  Husband got two of the three Awards.  The Novice Diver of the Year.  This was unexpected.  This is very heavy.  And very tall.  Based on What is the most useless thing you can take on a Dive?  Answer – A Kitchen Whisk.
But the Lost Key Award – that was expected.

First he lost his car keys whilst diving.  These cost £25.00 to get a key made that will just open your door and not have a computer chip to do all those other things.  So, £25.00 down and a call to the AA to break into the car.  Which they did in about 5 mins – they do that a lot, I guess.  Now he has a big clip (which cost £5.00) to hold the keys to his BCD.


Then, on another dive, he had someone else’s keys, but forgot.  The search went on for quite a while until, fed up with the You had them last, where the hell are they stuff, gave up the keys to his car and said Go and look yourself then.  And lo and behold – in his trouser pocket.

Ah now it’s Raffle Time.

White tickets are for the ordinary raffle.  Not a winner among them.  The blue tickets are for the adult raffle.  The Sexy Scot has, for reasons undiscovered, many many adult toys in his garage.  So, every Christmas, he raffles off a number to raise money for the Club.

And I am A Winner.  One, Two, Three Times A Winner.
There is a Vibrating Love Egg.  With External Control.  Insert Egg into Orifice, slip the control into your pocket and Voila – Sexual Pleasure wherever you desire.  Doing the Supermarket shop, why not dance along to your iPod with your Egg inserted appropriately.  Shopping can otherwise be soo dull.
Then the slender, black Lady Finger.  Don’t look like none of my fingers, that is for sure.  I would say this is actually a Butt Vibrator – for use in conjuction with the Vibrating Egg (but not, please, at the supermarket).And finally, when your Love Egg loses its power, and your Butt Vibrator loses its attraction, and your man has lost his impetus (its that bloody supermarket trip all over again, he moans) then aid and assistance is on hand.   {pun intended}   Use Male Action Cream.  Erecta Prompta it promises on the label – Prompt Erection.  What more could a girl want?Then Clean Up Time.  Sweeping floors.  Emptying Rubbish.  Sharing out the remains of the Free Food (lots of chicken wings/drumsticks, potato salad and humus went home with me).

And finally, home.  Where the first thing I did was to power up the computer and play some Partaaa Music.  It may have been 1am, and my neighbours may have been asleep (I didn’t check) but after five hours of Now That’s What I Call Music I needed something real.


About bookmole
I am pro-choice. You make yours, I'll make mine, okay?

5 Responses to Saturday’s Partaa – Hit or Miss?

  1. RPM says:

    I'm afraid that party (killer Santa and all) was a bit of a disappointment? Well at least you have a love egg. And I can't tell you how envious I am. lololol

  2. jodipodi says:

    That sounded like a fab party! hehe 😉 Although winning sex toys of any description would always cheer me up!!

  3. RedScylla says:

    Good for a laugh anyway. And I'm willing to tentatively concur with the giant penis theory. Wonder if that's why he wears a kilt, in hopes of "inadvertantly" advertising his social advantages.

  4. LeendaDLL says:

    Hmmmmm. Huge, Scot, and a garage full of sex toys??… I think I'm in love.

  5. Myke says:

    If I was Scot I wouldn't be wearing anything at all. Great observation on your husband's part, eh? How caring of him to aid your fantasy of riding another big boned man.As for exhibit C – I could never imagine needing that. In fact I need Erecta Dismissus (Dismiss Erection) for those times my hormones won't leave me alone. If a guy has issues in that area then he should:a) get healthier – clogged arteries block blood flowb) don't think about it – Being nervous or doubting performance will surely shrink itc) warm it up/ play with it a bitd) cry because its due to genetics or old agee) evaluate sexual preference

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: